In a Perfect World
by fieryicegoddess
Summary: Umm...what I see as a humorous perspective of what James and Lily's life was like in school...
1. The incredibly boring intro!

This is the incredibly boring introduction. So.because I love you all and don't want you to be bored out of your minds, I posted the next chapter. Which is a heck of a lot funnier. I hate the intros cause they take so long and are so boring, but they're vital to the story. So, enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer-I didn't create Hogwarts, Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, any other characters you might recognize, or magic.  
  
In a perfect world  
  
Chapter 1--In which you want to smash you foot through the computer it's so boring and introductory.  
  
"No Sirius, you cannot put fire breathing dragons in the Slytherins suitcases," James said.  
  
"Why not?" Sirius asked.  
  
"WHY? Does it look like we have any fire breathing dragons?"  
  
"We've got Charlie," Sirius pointed out, pointing to a boy in their year, sitting quietly in the corner of their compartment. He rolled his eyes and walked out.  
  
"Charlie just doesn't like us because we get all the girls," Peter Pettigrew squeaked.  
  
"You mean he doesn't like us because we get all the girls." Sirius motioned to him and James. "He just plain doesn't like you."  
  
"Sorry to break it to you bud, but you don't even get the good girls," Peter said.  
  
"Actually, no one does," Sirius said, just realizing it was true.  
  
"Well we would if they would so much as look in our direction," James pouted.  
  
"Yeah, we have Ravenclaws drooling over us, and Hufflepuffs kissing our feet, but the Gryffindor girls just don't see us," Sirius said.  
  
Sirius Black and James Potter were very handsome, and popular. They both had black hair, but Sirius had deep blue eyes, and James' were brown. Peter  
  
Pettigrew, their other friend, wasn't as handsome or popular, with light brown hair, and gray eyes.  
  
James and Sirius had a great sense of humor, and cracked jokes all the time, while Peter tried too hard to be funny, and just wasn't. The only time he was funny was when he was trying to be serious.  
  
"Damn girls. The only pretty ones are in Gryffindor too," Sirius said.  
  
"There's only two pretty girls in the whole school," James added.  
  
"Who's 'at?" Peter wanted to know.  
  
"Lily Evans and Shae Cooper."  
  
"They are best friends. They are like me and James. They are telepathic too. And together, they are a sight, but it hurts being the most wanted boys in the school, getting ignored by girls you are with every day."  
  
"Do you know how many times I've tried talking to them?"  
  
"Tell me about it. It's like talking to a wall."  
  
"Lily talked to me," squeaked Peter.  
  
"Saying 'Back off' isn't good enough."  
  
"No, really, she did!"  
  
"Sorry," Sirius corrected himself. "did she say, 'back off bastard?'"  
  
James choked, trying to hold back laughter, when the door opened.  
  
"Who're you?" Sirius asked the boy with sandy blond hair and hazel eyes who  
  
just walked in.  
  
"Remus. Remus Lupin. I just transferred, and I'm going into fourth year along with my sister. We're probably going to be in Gryffindor."  
  
While Peter glared at him suspiciously, the other two exchanged glances.and  
  
brain waves. They both knew what the other was thinking.  
  
"Excuse us Remus, Sirius and I will be right back." James pulled Sirius out into the hall.  
  
"Jamsie boy! This is perfect! Remus, our soon to be friend, is the brother of a girl who is gonna be friends with Lily and Shae."  
  
"Ah, this year's gonna be great!" They walked back in.  
  
"Sorry Remus. I'm James, and this is Sirius."  
  
"Hi guys. You wanna meet my sister? I want to see who she's made friends with."  
  
"Sure, we'd love to!"  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
A 14 year old Lilian Evans sat on the Hogwarts Express talking to her friends. Lily was a pretty girl, with long, deep red hair, and emerald green eyes. She was humorous, and liked by everyone.  
  
"Guys, I've been thinking. If I want to be Head Girl, or even a prefect, I need to be more social. This year, I'm going to talk to the boys," she said.  
  
"No way!" yelled Kylie, a Gryffindor girl.  
  
"You mean.interact with the other side?" asked Ellie, another Gryffindor girl.  
  
"Actually, I was thinking that too," said Lily's best friend, Shae. She was a pretty blonde, with light brown eyes.  
  
"Are you crazy girl?" Ellie cried. "No speaky. Clear?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Ya know Ellie, that Charlie's kinda cute," said Kylie.  
  
"No! My best friend is turning on me!"  
  
"We cannot have this. Either you leave or I leave."  
  
At the same time, Shae and Lily said, "you."  
  
"Erg! Fine then." And she walked out.  
  
"Wait!" Kylie yelled, realizing she had no other friends. "Wait up!"  
  
That left Lily and Shae laughing.  
  
In Gryffindor, in Lily's class, it was like some unwritten rule that the girls and boys did not interact. Well sure the boys attempted talking to them many times, but the girls only barely acknowledged their existence. And that was  
  
only on special occasions.  
  
"We are so mean to them," Shae said.  
  
"Who? Ellie and Kylie? They deserve it."  
  
"Nah, who cares about them. I mean the guys. They constantly try to talk to  
  
us, and we act like they aren't there."  
  
"Wanna go apologize?"  
  
"Yeah, let's-" the door opened and a girl with long pure blonde hair and ice blue eyes walked in.  
  
"Hi. I'm Leandra, who are you?"  
  
"I'm Lily, and this is Shae. You new?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll be in fourth year. My brother told me I should make some friends."  
  
"We're in fourth year too. Who's your brother?"  
  
"Remus. We're twins."  
  
"Are you going to be in Gryffindor?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I really want to. And anyway, my parents were."  
  
"I hope you are, you should see the other girls."  
  
"They're like saber tooth tigers!" Shae added.  
  
Leandra giggled. "Hey you guys wanna meet my brother?"  
  
Lily and Shae smiled at each other. "Sure."  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
Leandra pulled open the door of the boy's compartment.  
  
"Hey guys. I'm Remus' sister."  
  
"Hello, I'm Sirius, that's Peter, that's James, and you are."  
  
"I'm Leandra, but never call me that or I'll bite your head off."  
  
"And she means that," Remus added.  
  
"So what do we call you?"  
  
"Andi."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Andi, who are your friends?" Remus asked.  
  
"Lily and Shae."  
  
"Hey Lily, Hey Shae."  
  
"Hi James," Lily said. "Hi Sirius, hi Remus."  
  
"Wow, you're talking to us," James said.  
  
"Yeah, we're really sorry about the last three years," Shae said.  
  
"We finally had enough courage to stand up to the saber tooth tigers." Shae  
  
and Andi giggled, and James and Sirius shot them quizzical looks.  
  
"Subtitles please?"  
  
"Sorry, Ellie and Kylie."  
  
"So, Lily," Sirius said, pretending to yawn, and stretching his arm, and putting it around her shoulder.  
  
"Oh Sirius, now I see why all those girls obsess over you," she said dreamily.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. Well too bad," but he looked put out. A voice over head said they were to arrive shortly.  
  
"We'll go change then," Lily said, removing herself from Sirius' arm.  
  
"You can stay here," James said. The girls rolled their eyes and went back to their original compartment.  
  
That's all for now. Actually it's not. Check out the next chapter. See ya there! 


	2. Nicknames

This is the other part. I promise it's way less boring than the first chapter.  
  
Disclaimer-J.K. Rowling owns everything she does.  
  
In a perfect world  
  
Chapter 2- Nicknames  
  
*Thirty minutes later*  
  
Remus and Andi were sorted into Gryffindor, and sat down with the rest.  
  
In the Great Hall, Dumbledore made the regular announcements, and sat down. Remus and Andi's eyes grew wide as the plates filled with food.  
  
"Pretty nifty huh?"  
  
"Hogwarts is way cool!"  
  
When the desserts appeared, they were persuading each other to eat stuff. Andi was eating something, and Sirius wondered what it was.  
  
"Apple fritters. Try some," Andi said.  
  
"I don't think so. I don't like those."  
  
"Sirius, that's because the last time you made those, you didn't have any apples, so you substituted fish instead," James told him.  
  
"Fish fritters?" Remus asked.  
  
"They weren't that good." He made a face.  
  
"Mr. Fish fritters, you are so.fishy."  
  
James was howling with laughter. "Sirius' nickname is Fishy!"  
  
When people started leaving, they got up. But before they got too far, Lucius came up to James.  
  
"Potter. You piece of garbage."  
  
"Malfoy. You piece of trash."  
  
"At least trash rhymes with clash," he said. Then, after James let it sink in a minute, Malfoy realized what he'd said.  
  
"Stupid!" James commented then walked off.  
  
~*~  
  
The next morning, the mail came. Shae's owl, Prodigy brought her a package.  
  
"What's that?" Lily asked, and Shae showed her.  
  
"Yeah, what is it? Come on Shae show us!" exclaimed Sirius.  
  
"Shae sho," James said. "Shaesho! Shaesho, Shaesho, Shaesho!"  
  
"Please," Andi said. "We've got to get to transfiguration."  
  
~*~  
  
During Transfiguration, James kept flirting with Lily, who was sitting next to him. Both obviously joking, kept waving, winking, smiling, mouthing 'I love you,' and blowing kisses at each other.  
  
"Mr. Potter!" Yelled Professor McGonagall. "Please pay attention. That clear?"  
  
"Straight up M Dawg!"  
  
"Dear, I never want to hear those words strung into a sentence again."  
  
"Sure thing M Dawg."  
  
"I'll make you a deal. You call me that, and I get to call you J Dawg."  
  
And that's how James got his nickname.  
  
~*~  
  
At lunch that day, Andi said, "You guys all have nicknames. Fishy, J Dawg, Shaesho, even Malfoy, Clash."  
  
"Well Andi, you can be Andromeda. You're both majorly hot!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Thanks, and Peter.Peter can be Squeakers because of his voice," said Andi.  
  
"And Remus can be Moony 'cause.well it's a family name."  
  
"What about Lily?"  
  
"Lily can be Lioness," said James.  
  
"Why's that?" Shae asked.  
  
"Well think," answered Sirius. Lily is like a Tigerlily. So Lily's a Lion. But she's a girl, so she's a Lioness."  
  
"Are you two telepathic or something?"  
  
"Psycho. That's us."  
  
"Didn't need to point that out."  
  
"Guess what class we have right after lunch?" asked Shae.  
  
"Ooh, isn't it that new class.Greek Mythology or something?" questioned Lily.  
  
"Yeah, I signed up for that because it sounded way cool."  
  
"Is that one of the ones we signed up for J Dawg?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I did. And I'm pretty sure you did too, because it's an easy class.  
  
"Hey! I resent that remark!"  
  
"Shut up and get to Mythology."  
  
Unfortunately when they reached the classroom, James saw they had it with the Slytherins.  
  
"Clash!" He yelled, running to Malfoy. "I wanna sit by my best friend!"  
  
"No, I do!" Sirius glanced pointedly at James, then at something he had in his hands, then at Lucius and back to James.  
  
"Oh, all right.I guess you can sit by him today." James gave in, sounding reluctant.  
  
"Hey Clash, buddy 'ol pal!" Sirius patted him on the back.  
  
"Students, would everyone please find your seat on this seating chart and sit?"  
  
Sirius ended up sitting by Lily in the front left hand corner of the room. James and Remus sat in the back right hand corner, Peter was sitting by Shae, and  
  
Malfoy by Andi.  
  
"My name is Professor Sharpe, and I'm your Mythology teacher. This is my first time teaching, and this is a completely new job, so bear with me. What  
  
we're going to do today is act out a few scenes of what we think might have  
  
happened. I'm going to come around with slips of paper and you'll pick a role. We don't have enough for the whole class, so I'll get volunteers." Remus went first, and picked "Perseus, Hero who slew Medusa, and saved Andromeda" Then Andi drew "Medusa, a gorgon whose appearance turned people to stone."  
  
"Ain't that the truth?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Shut up you."  
  
"Yea! I get to slay and save the same person!" Remus said. (Andi is Andromeda in real life)  
  
Then, Peter and Snape drew Ares and Adonis, lovers of Aphrodite.  
  
Kylie then drew, "Demeter, Goddess of agriculture and marriage."  
  
A Slytherin girl drew Athena, and Narcissa drew Persephone.  
  
"I hope I get a good one," Sirius cried when it was his turn. "'Zeus,'" He read aloud. "'Supreme God, after overthrowing his father, Cronus.' Sweet!"  
  
"His ego is already the size of London," James complained.  
  
"And I'm voting that the understatement of the century," Lily added.  
  
"I wonder who gets to be my lovely wife.Shaesho!" He exclaimed as she read off her slip.  
  
"'Hera, Zeus' wife, and the Goddess of Maternity and marriage.' Great, just  
  
great."  
  
Another Slytherin girl read hers. "Minerva, Goddess of handicraft and wisdom."  
  
"Oi J Dawg! You hear that?" Sirius yelled across the room. "M Dawg is a Goddess!"  
  
Lily picked next, and got "Aphrodite, Goddess of love and beauty."  
  
"Great, Snape and Peter love me.at least I'm married to James."  
  
James had drawn and gotten Hephaestus."  
  
After James, no one else volunteered.  
  
"Come on people, we've got one more. Any volunteers? How about Mr. Malfoy. You can be." He drew out the last slip. "Hades. God of the underworld."  
  
Lucius got up and walked towards the front of the classroom.  
  
"What is so funny?" He asked, realizing everyone was laughing at him.  
  
"Sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, but you have a sign on your back," said Andi.  
  
He reached back, and pulled it off. "'Kick me--I clash!' Potter, Black! It was you!"  
  
"Now Mr. Malfoy, don't go making assumptions. Remember, innocent until proven guilty."  
  
"And Black is guilty. I know it was him."  
  
" I can only give him detention if there are two more witnesses. Anyone?"  
  
Of course, Andi, Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Shae and Peter were the only other ones who had seen it, but they weren't about to raise their hands.  
  
"Okay then, let's get to the play. We'll start with Zeus and Hera."  
  
"Supreme God at your service! Oh yeah, and my lovely wife Shaesho!"  
  
"Then we'll need Hades over here." Sirius cracked up.  
  
"Mr. Black--"  
  
"Zeus."  
  
"Compose yourself."  
  
"I'll throw a lightning bolt at you."  
  
"Give it a rest."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Did Lioness burn you with her hotness?" Remus asked.  
  
"No, but Andromeda did."  
  
"My sister? She's not hot, she's.petrifying."  
  
"As corny as that was.it was funny." James said.  
  
"My snakes will bite you. Beware."  
  
"Now, I need Aphrodite over here. And Ares and Adonis over here. Then Hephaestus here."  
  
Ah, thank you thank you! That's all for now. And It gets funnier, so stick around! Add me to your favorites, anything. *hint hint* Lol, j/k. But please review! 


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